Do you ever feel like you are pretending? Pretending to be in love with your job, that you have it all together, the perfect life… but part of it feels like you are tied down to a certain way you ‘have’ to live, or should act? Yes, you are living up to society’s expectations, but somehow it doesn’t feel right or as satisfying as it is pumped up to be. There is something missing, but you just can’t put a finger on exactly what. As a result, you feel impatient with yourself because no matter what you try, somehow you just don’t fit in or feel complete.
Maybe you feel confused, guilty or uncomfortable when you think of really being honest with yourself and what you want…. So you just push it aside, and keep grinding. But that niggling feeling wont’ disappear, because, as the saying goes – nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know
Everything I described above is how I felt for so many years. Going from a glamorous job in the music industry flying around the world with celebrities, to following my interest in food and creating my own catering company to traveling to vineyards in pursuit of my passion for wine… none of these in isolation got me to that place where I felt fulfilled, that I had found my purpose here on earth. There was a piece missing for me, and I felt frustrated that I couldn’t figure it out. So many people envied my life and were in awe of what I was doing and had accomplished, and I found myself asking if I was being delusional, selfish and unrealistic for wanting more. After all, I had all the elements in place of what would make up a happy and successful life, so why didn’t I feel like it?
It wasn’t until I dared become very honest with myself and go in search for ME that I discovered my true purpose. Because I grew up in a very practical family and environment, as so many of us do, I was told that because I was a straight A student, naturally I had to become a doctor or a lawyer or businesswoman! After all, these were sound professions proven to create a prosperous and successful career and life! So like so many, I fell into the trap of silencing my intuition and inner voice, went to business school and did what a smart girl was supposed to do; get a ‘safe’ marketing degree and keep up my programmed persona and reputation.
Although I was a pianist and loved music since I was a little girl, I never owned the words “artist” or “creative”. It was as if I somehow was ashamed to admit that art and less practical vocations was what made me feel alive, and where I felt the most at home. When I considered going to the conservatory to become a classical pianist, people advised me that was an unrealistic profession; nobody ever made it. All of these so called professional artists ended up having to resort to becoming teachers to make ends meet. Now I wonder what these so called ‘experts’ had actually achieved in their own life, to make them qualified to blurt out opinions that potentially (and in my case did) lead to life changing decisions for someone else.
I have always been told I am a dreamer, different and daring – and a bit of a nut job probably, by some. But other people’s opinions still had such power of me, that I never gave myself permission to fully embrace these qualities. Yes, I now know to call them qualities because I see that that’s what they are, not adjectives other people who never went for their dreams, use to describe people who desire to.
Another thing I loved to do while younger, was to write. In my Norwegian class, I could really let my creativity out, where I wrote long, vivid fictional stories and let my imagination go wild. My Norwegian teacher told my mother I should become a writer, but again – this was kind of laughed at and scoffed off as a far-off dream. Becoming a successful pianist and writer I suppose was for other people, a very select few, of which I naturally wasn’t a part of. I was to become a lawyer, and stop dreaming, after all!
No matter how much you try to be practical and shut out signs from the Universe, Universe is still looking out for you and will get back around to dealing with you. After a few years in the wine industry after my rock n’ roll days and working hard as a chef feeding and entertaining others, I was led to become a health and life coach. In my circles, I met other lightworkers who had the audacity to follow their hearts and dreams too! I finally felt at home, after traversing two continents, four countries and four industries over a span of 20 years, in search of my purpose.
Surrounded by like minded people who encouraged and supported me, I got the courage to really get honest with myself, and to believe that I can do anything I put my mind to. Now when I tell my friends and colleagues about my new plans and goals, I don’t get laughed at. I get told to get out there and think even bigger! I’ve seen my dreams manifest slowly but surely in these last two years, where I have been fortunate enough to have a steady stream of life coaching clients who want to create their ideal life too. There is nothing better than inspiring other women to go big and hear the excitement in their voices when someone is there to encourage and actually believe that they can do whatever they want to do.
Meanwhile, I keep growing and learning more about myself, and just this past month the Universe reminded me of my desire as a little girl, of becoming a writer. Even though I’m in my 40s now, I am not telling myself I’m too old to start. No, I’m telling myself “Sunny, you are a writer. You are a creative. So get to work!” In addition to writing a book, I’ve decided I would love to offer my services as a copy writer and am in the works of mapping out my offerings as I’m writing this!
I can’t explain the relief and happiness I feel having finally discovered who I truly am. I also realize that it’s nobody else’s business what I choose to do, and it’s none of my business to care about what they think. I feel so grateful that I was stubborn enough to keep digging and listening to that nagging feeling when my intuition told me I needed to do more work to realize who I am supposed to be. I want everyone to be able to experience this feeling, because it is everyone’s birth right!
So why is it that we feel bored, dissatisfied, frustrated, unfulfilled, unhappy and detached from our life, work, and relationships? It’s because we are not applying ourselves, utilizing our talents, interests and skills that we were meant to use – but rather try to fit into a mold that others have carved out for us, without knowing who we are and what we desire.
This is why you can’t seem to figure out why you can’t be happy with your job, even though it pays well, you have health insurance, a great apartment, a car, beautiful children, and can afford to go on vacations twice a year. It isn’t enough! Because your soul is crying out that you need to go for your dreams, but you are silencing your inner self by doing what is expected of you from societal standards.
Do you wonder, like I did – “how did I end up here” and what is life all about? We get so wrapped up in taking care of other people, other people’s problems and lives and our day to day responsibilities that we lose complete touch with who we are as a woman, a person, an individual.
Have you stopped doing things just for the fun of it? “Because it makes you happy” is somehow not a good enough reason – you’ve got responsibilities, after all! Meanwhile these responsibilities weigh you down and make your heart feel heavy. You long for something that will make you feel accomplished, where you can use your skill set in a way that you will be of service to others and make you feel inspired on a daily basis.
I’m here to tell you that it is possible. Maybe it won’t be easy, but it’s doable. Several people before you have done it, and are doing it today. That should be motivation enough for you to know that you’ve got everything within you to succeed and do what your heart wants you to do. It has nothing to do with practicality, being sensible or realistic. If you choose to listen to your inner voice, it can change your life and help you find back to what you are truly on this earth to do.
Maybe you don’t know exactly how to get started, or how to find back to YOU. That’s where I come in. I specialize in helping women shine their light, the way they are supposed to. I also help them remember who they are and what they love to do.
Instead of trivializing what you are really interested in, giving into fear by saying you’re too old, don’t know enough, don’t have enough money, aren’t pretty or outgoing enough – I help you realize you are a star. I help you get rid of your excuses you’ve come up with that have kept you playing small, although you know you are capable of SO much more. You are unique and the world deserves to experience your brilliance. Don’t be content with average or “good enough”, go for ecstacy, complete happiness and the best!!
Believe in yourself enough to get started on your magical journey, no matter where you are in your life today. There will never be a “right” time, nobody is coming to save you or figure things out for you, and there is never a clear path to anything – you must do the work. There is tremendous power and relief in taking responsibility of your life, and I know that deep down you want to!
I would so love to hear from you if this interests you. Feel free to email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org or check out my website sunnygandara.com for more about me and to set up a quick chat!